I’m liking the word “we” much better than “me”
Rather than “mine” ? I like “ours” instead
And it’s all coming back to me now
Though for too long hope seemed to be dead
A mind has a hard time considering
The “us” that’s been for so long
Sometimes not even remembering
Our once shared and much loved song
So busy searching for strength to endure
Can make life a one man show
Just fighting to survive
This ominous threat of unknown
It’s like we’ve been stuck on pause
Where we couldn’t see here nor abroad
But now were breaking free
Just what I requested from God
No longer feeling threatened
Nor hushed and made to feel dumb
We’re breaking the bonds of force and control
From under a relentless thumb
Rising above crazy makers and fear-mongers
Nay-sayers and those who are mean…
Cuz fear doesn’t come from God
But it does crush our God given dreams!
So it’s “we” who go forward from this day
It’s “ours” who’s dreams are revived
Together to make a difference in this world
To be the change- lived out through our lives!
Eloyce Aug 10, 2009
I use to not let people mess with my wall
Erected for my safty
A massive one of imposing hight
I know this may sound sort of crazy
Sometimes- I’d let someone step just inside
If they’d only talk about weather
Yet- venture past my safety zone
I’d avoid ‘em from then on- forever!
I’d scoot them out turn my head
And leave ‘em wondering wherein
Blocking them out by acting aloof
So uncomfortable in my own skin
I’ve change a bit- my wall’s sitting height
All part of what God’s been doing…
Yet sometimes I feel all exposed inside
All transparent… like everyone’s looking
I ask… How can I help others like me
If I don’t share what God has done?
Other’s who hide who they really are
Who find them selves too- on the run
What is it that I’m afraid of…
The me- who’s getting in touch?
No masquerade- Just the real thing
God’s child- whom He loves so much!
Eloyce January 17, 2009
Lets sing love live and dance
Upon this wide world
While we’ve got the chance…
Words deeply etched inside my heart
Yet oddly a state of mind
Strangely entangled they often meet up
In murmurous of perilous times
Most blessings from our loving God
Get dirtied and abused
In this earthly place we live
More often- they’re miss used
Let’s sing love live and dance
Upon this wide world
While we’ve got the chance…
Words known to be essential
For God’s abundant life to live
It’s far too dangerous to sort it all out
For safety we burry our heads
What makes a counterfeit?
How do we know- true or false?
Which meanings bring praise to our loving God
To shine forth from our hearts?
Let’s sing love live and dance
Upon this wide world
While we’ve got the chance…
Eloyce 2/27/09
Thanks to a wise person on Face Book, I’ve finally found my favorite quote, and here it is… “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” Dr. Seuss.
Coming from a Adventist cultural heritage of only nonfictional reading, I find it no wonder I was not allowed to read books like “The Cat in the Hat”… so silly and frivolous; everyone knows animals don’t talk, eggs aren’t green… and ham? Well, we wont go there…
Here is another one… “It’s better to remain silent and be thought a fool- than to speak up and remove all doubt.” I grew up with this phrase as the basis of my dubious love/hate roller-coaster of confidence and self doubt. And now as an adult trying to figure out my complex self, I’ve discovered that it was Aberham Lincoln who originally said these words! Wow, this was a little shocking to me, I had to think this one through…
I’m confident that old Abe didn’t mean this quippy phraise to be used to shut people up and stifle creative thought. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt; so perhaps he came up with it out of his own insecurities and inability to communicate what he was thinking at a given time… I know that’s how I am; I’m by no means stupid nor oblivious to the concerns of those around me; I just sometimes have a hard time accessing my brain at the appropriate times.
Quips are odd and unplanned, yet useally precise and to the point. Sometimes they flow out of me as if I were always in total control of the situation; at other times I waste a perfectly good opportunity with only a blank stare…
One winter while strolling through a clothing store, I had a colorful green and blue stripe scarf jump off the rack and into my cart. I couldn’t figure out why I liked it so much, but I had to buy it! Later my sister complimented me on my “Dr. Seuss scarf”… Yes! That’s what it was- bold, silly and frivolous, free from all doubt… I still love to wear it… It makes me feel good and smile inside.
Eloyce
These were compiled for face Book at the peak of the craze… There’s nothing like bearing your soul to anyone who cares to take a look… Here goes mine!
1. I thought I was done comparing my self to others… I thought it no longer mattered what others thought of me. Not yet true… But it is good to know that I’m not the only one who has been growing and maturing through the years; it’s good to finally be more at ease with myself so I can notice the same in others…
2. Sometimes when I look at anything I’ve written, it looks absolutely inspired; other times it looks simply odd and insignificant. I use to always take myself much too seriously… Now it’s only intermittent behavior.
3. I learned to use my height to make myself untouchable, but 26 years ago Eddy eluded the measuring stick and captured my heart. (We’re about the same height, but I still let him believe he is taller…)
4. I didn’t know I had a fear of heights till I rode an elevator up to the top of the Sears Tower… I once hiked all the way from Yosemite’s Glacier Point to Half Dome, but stopped short at the bottom of the final cable ladder because I felt sick.
5. Eddy and I started an alternative church plant, which met weekly in its building for over 5 years. H20 (living source) has now gone building-less, where we still keep in contact with our friends, and are constantly reassessing what “church” really is. We’ve considered changing our name to aquifer.
6. I slipped on some decomposed granite and broke my ankle while looking for rumored dinosaur tracks. What ensued was a 7 hr. surgery by one of the best orthopedic surgeons in the US, and the inability to walk for over a year…. Now about 4 years later, (even though I still have my metal plate and pins) I’m usually able to walk a couple miles at one time, with no pain!
7. I love nature and like to sit alone and take in all its sights and sounds. I also like to 4-wheel drive through our desert with its rugged foothills and dry washes.
8. I like to collect rocks and small boulders for my yard.
9. I like to buy old stuff and make it new, then sell it or give it away to anyone who recognizes it’s value.
10. I don’t like to read; but I’m writing a book.
11. I once worked in a library, but took so long to put the books away that I got to do all the bulletin boards instead.
12. I received the Bank of America Art award when I graduated from high school, but never realized what it meant till I was 45.
13. I use to teach Kindergarten, but discovered that I’m more an artist-decorator than a teacher; I loved it till all the kids showed up…
14. One of my favorite jobs was taking care of the Lodge at Camp Cedar Falls, where I had a small gift shop for a short while.
15. All my life I’ve loved to sing. I haven’t mastered any musical interment, so that’s what my voice has become. Someday, maybe in heaven, I want to learn how to play the drums.
16. When things really affect me or just hang on my mind, I process them into poetry. Some of my poems come in song.
17. I forget what I’m thinking all the time, so my husband got me a scuba writing board for my shower, ‘cause that’s where my thoughts seem to flow most freely… I also keep a journal with me at other times, just incase.
18. My grandmother died when my dad was born; his father was older and in poor health, so gave my dad to his best friends to rise. I’ve been on a 12-year journey to find my father’s Henderson and Reinke birth families, which has been very fun rewarding.
19. I was born in California, and have been to 46 of these 50 United States; but barely into Canada or Mexico, and never across an ocean.
20. I love to travel… especially to places of personal historical value, and would love to go on a trip to the former Eastern Prussia’s Tilsit, (Today’s Sovetsk, Kaliningrad Russia.) and many other parts of Europe.
21. I love to just sit in my car and watch people. Through out my life I have gained much insight by being able to put myself in other people’s shoes. I love to learn through life experiences; yet often times those end up being the life experiences of others.
22. About 5 years ago I became a cat person…I saved a kitten’s life and we’ve been bonded ever since.
23. People use to say that I looked like princess Dianna; that didn’t last long, but I was recently proud to discover that we are both INFP’s
24. I despise force or competition and always opt for win-win solutions.
25. God has blessed me with much… but my very favorite blessings are my husband and my kids.
Come on God! Why send me people?
You’re so good at all that You do-
They rattle my cage- my comfort zone
Life was easy asleep in my pew
So different then us- I can’t understand
He obviously has no money…
She stands to her feet and raises her hands
They hug me- call everyone honey…
My hand across my mouth- I hear a small voice
What God- You speak to them too?
You’ve opened the eyes of their hurting hearts?
Their sharing what they got from You?
Why can’t You speak to me this way?
I pray – I ask for Your leading…
Why can’t I see angels hovering about?
Lord- when will I ever be ready…
“You haven’t gone through what they have
You can not fit in their shoes…
Don’t judge intentions you can’t understand
Just listen and pray to be used”
Oh Lord, please make me willing
Open my deaf ears too
I want to understand the ways of Your heart
I want to be used- only by You!
Eloyce- January 18, 2009
Why do I still go to church? Many of my friends ask the question… and many of my friends don’t go to church any more. Today it’s me who’s doing the asking…
Church is hard for me as I’ve come to realize that many people in my church family are a paralyzing force in my need to be transparent and real. It can be a truly hostile environment for both me and my husband, but we have no alternative place to go. It’s much easier to stay positive, and close to the God who loves me with no strings attached, if I just stay home where it’s warm and inviting. Sometimes I do…
Yet Eddy and I seem to have found our place, sitting in the overflow room where the timid, the misunderstood or unappreciated tend to gather, and slip out before the last hymn; hoping to avoid being noticed. We bring our church toys even though we have no more kids, and pass them out to family’s with children seated about us who are often time visitors. This seems to make church more enjoyable for both of us.
God has blessed me with a love of good music. Although for some, the word good is debatable, this represents a big part of my turmoil I’m feeling right now. I cannot be involved in a way that is meaningful to me, cause I’ve been stamped unapproved. My music; the way through which God speaks to my soul, has been said to be wrong and distasteful. I’ve recently started singing at church again, but only those songs deemed proper by someone else’s standards.
The curse of criticism, (as Eddy refers to it) I think is at the core of me not being able to always feel confident of who God made me to be… to be comfortable in letting people see the real me; in opening myself up to others, even ones who I know are safe. It’s been a life time of conditioning, and now God has been very busy being my protector when I let him… but I don’t always remember to let him.
The even harder part of all this, is seeing other’s who God has brought to my church, who don’t fit in even more obviously than I. I’m not so worried about the ones who do fit in; my heart goes out to the young, the artistic, the musically talented, the sensitive ones who are looking for a little compassion and understanding. (As well as truth, of course!) I so badly want to protect them from the people who have been so judgmental and hurtful and caused so much harm to others in the past, but there’s not a whole lot I can do…
…or is there?
God plunked a bible verse that I’ve never even memorized into my head last week. I love it when He does that… “From death unto life!” were the words that strongly came to my mind while I was finishing up my sculpture. I came home, googled them and found them to be from 1 John 3:14. “We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love abides in death.” I believe God put this on my heart, because even though I didn’t initially realize it when I set out to do this project; these words are exactly what my sculpture portrayed… For me, often times “the brethern” are the hardest ones to love… the ones on the platform, and sitting in the front pews with in my family of God. This must be why I still go to church…
Jesus, please help me to love the way You do. The very ones who spat on You and ultimately put You to death, You loved anyway… Your father God sent You here because He sooo loved… People who don’t even realize what harm they are doing; You still love. This is a rare love that’s hard to understand, yet one that You showed brings life. This is what I want… a Love that brings Life!
Last week my prayer
Just one ray of hope
For my best friend so sad
At the end of his rope
No light in his eyes
But the glisten of tears
He hadn’t felt this bad
So helpless in years
The cry from my heart
To my God of the heavens
Send him someone
To help lift his burdens
Seems everyone Lord
Whom you’ve used here before
Is resting in peace
So you can’t send no more
This plea for my friend
I gave up to God
Then I drifted to sleep
On my pillow did nod
This prayer I forgot
Till just yesterday
When the answer from God
Nearly blew me away!
God still does have people
With no hesetation
To be used for His work
On this earth where He’s placed them
Who still hear His voice
Though their lives are not easy
Who have peace and joy
From a God who’s still giving
You answered the call
What courage that took
Sent a ray of God’s hope
Through an odd means-Face Book
Written for Jaunita Kretschmar
By Eloyce Witzel January 13, 2009
Here’s what I’ve wanted to say
Here’s what I want you to know
It’s okay to just be yourself
It’s also okay to grow
Life is a journey of change
You’ll learn this untill you are done
Maturing- transforming as you go
Yet you’ll always be my son
Growing up takes lots of patience
Don’t worry you’ll get lots of tries
‘Cause wisdom and knowledge come gradual
In God’s timing these elements lie
I didn’t know this when I was your age
Thought at 18 that I would arrive…
Then at 20- I met my first love
With a wedding our lives were intwined
In the next faze we had you kids
It was then that I realized
How little of much- I really did know
Being a mom is what opened my eyes
So it’s you who have tought me so much
‘Cause of you I have learned about love
Just a fraction- of the kind that God showed us here
By sending His son from above
It’s not so much what you look like
It’s nothing that you’re going to do
It must be… you’ve captured a chunk of my heart
It’s what I see deep inside you
Eloyce
January 8, 2009
